Advice from an Arab (On How to get a Girlfriend)

Yesterday I found my private journal from when I was hitchhiking through the Middle East in 2008. On the first page was a list of rules for how to get a girlfriend. I read the first few and started thinking, what the hell was I thinking? I've never thought this way in all of my life! The July heat in Damascus must have been getting to my brain.

Then suddenly I remembered: it wasn't my list. I had been kicking it in this (<--) incredibly sparkly mosque, (Sayyida Ruqayya) passing the midday heat when some local Syrian dudes with gelled hair and immaculate dress shirts came and sat with me. They asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no, they became deeply sympathetic and assured me they would teach me how to land one. Their advice was as follows:

1. Trust in yourself 100%
2. Don't let there ever be a silent moment. That is, show her that you are a good talker about many important topics
3.Be careful about your face - take care of the look
4. Don't play silly with her
5. Keep trying, don't be frustrated
6. Don't let a single silent moment kill the Romance
7. ALWAYS - and this is very important - the man has the first step
8. NEVER say 'I love you'
9. If you fail, don't be frustrated, and always FIGHT for good woman - You see, there are two kinds of woman: sweetheart woman, and snake woman - Be wary of snake woman
10. Tell her she has nice eyes
11. Take her mobile number (Very important!!!)
12. Call her (don't tell her she has nice ass or that you love her) - Just talk as 'how are you?' etc. - Speak for 2-5 minutes. DON'T BE NAUGHTY MAN! Always be lighthearted
13. Be a Man: sweetheart and strong man at same time
14. After 5 days, send a message for her (Not Romance! Small joke)
15. Just say 'I care about you'
16. Send a message every 4 or 5 days for 1 month
17. Be careful is she already has a relationship
18. After 2 weeks, tell her you want to see her

SEE HER RULES


-You have to fight!
-Practice what you can talk about (be good talker!)

HOW TO MAKE HER LOVE YOU


-There are lots of different kinds of women (they are not all the same!)
-The day before a date, write down what you will talk about with her
-After 1 week, call her