Stories with smiles, the pride of a conquering man. Bilal and I were looking at each other wide eyed, speechless.
Riding in the elevator a few minutes later, "Who the fuck brags about raping someone for not having a God with a huge fucking smile on his face?"
"And then goes on to tell a heartwarming story about having his life saved by a Sudanese man while the bombs from Israel slowly crumbled away the skyscrapers and firerain and concreterain came pouring down?!"
Somwhere out in the west, some of the world's most beautiful ruins sit. The largest Roman temple ever found by archaeologists in Baalbek, and the local headquarters of Hizbullah where there are murals of the Israeli soldiers being slaughtered with prayers to God and slogans to victory all around. America is painted on as a blood-sucking bat with wings of fire and arms holding bloody machetes chop up the star of David while another star is riddled full of bullets from an AK-47. In the next room there was a donation box.
"Are you Christian or Muslim?"
"Neither."
"What do you mean?"
-How many times have I had to deal with this question. The answer is always to feel out the questioner and see what's within the realm of a reasonable response. But to people who can't really conceive of a response stepping beyond A or B, then really, how do you answer it? A few days ago I said I was Hindu and made up an elaborate story about my Maronite father and Hindi mother meeting in America, both fleeing religious persecution and raising me Hindu Universalist. But that's because the asker was a guard at LAU and he wasn't holding an M-16. Othertimes I go with Christian, newly converted Sunni, Humanist, Taoist, and Agnostic. Of course those all come on a sliding scale of who is asking. Only a very few seem to be willing to accept Taoist or Agnostic.
But I think I'm starting to get it now, more than ever. The true meaning of sectarianism, neo-tribalism, the likes of which are probably less politically pronounced in every other country. I've now spoken to an expert on Hizbullah, the leader of the People's Socialist Party (from a powerful Druze family) Jimbullah - whose house we visited, went through a metal detector, into a gorgeous mansion full of plain clothed "associates" holding assault rifles with slicked back hair and designer suits...as well as a secular shiite, faithful Maronites, Greek Orthodox, Greek Catholics, and seemingly unaffiliated intellectuals. Through and through, similar stories arise. This countries needs the impossible: the separation of church and state, or else...we need more guns and to pray for the strength to defeat our enemies.
Zach and I joke about how similar the solutions seem to be to American gun control questions. Some senator proposed a bill to respond to the wave of school shootings by allowing/requiring all teachers/professors in high schools and colleges to carry guns and fend off any attacks the moment they begin.
On the other hand, I feel way way safer in Beirut and even in Syria than I ever felt in parts of New York. People wont rob and kill you here for a jacket or a wallet with 7 dollars and 22 cents. They will kill you for being the opposition though.
One night we were walking home from a movie and we asked some gents about getting back to Hamra street. Before they answered, they good-naturedly asked us what we thought of Hizbullah. "You think they are terrorist group?"
The kid I was with spoke Arabic fluently and I could see him sweating, trying to brush off the question, but they persisted. Later he told me, no matter who asks you, you always say you are with Hizbullah. I thought my answer was less of a lie: "I've heard they've treated the other sectarian groups fairly since they took power." I have heard that and it's about all I can say about the group. But the murals in Baalbek made my blood freeze.
What has this done to me?
It's cut me off. It's thrown me further into the Tao. Life takes on a silly lightness in the face of interests, both economic and religious, first and by far the foremost being economic. Politics are about interests, resources, power. The fairest leader always represents a party and parties do not exist without objectives.
Violence here isn't the reality that the news made it out to be. I don't fear violence (even though apparently a bomb killed a few people in Tripoli while we were swimming in the sea just off the coast). It is, however, a lingering threat and a way of life. I read the 1001 Nights and I see how frequently violence is justified, glorified, or treated with utter nonchalance. That's not to say that the Arabia from 1200 still lingers like crater smoke in the buildings, but there certainly is an attitude that pervades a collective worldview in a way that I've never seen before. Even the two party system in the US can't compete with the "are you with so and so or against them" mentality that I see and feel flooding through the streets.
For awhile I was bent on finding the poets of Beirut - the underground art scene and trying in some way to tap into it. Now I realize that life is a matter of circumstance. It's not looking for something, digging for it, but instead working with what's glaring you right in the face.
Last week I joked that Lebanon exports beautiful women. I've since learned that I wasn't too far off from the truth. The influx of money apparently comes from expatriats who have succeeded in foreign lands and have sent money home. Dr. Jeha said all the best in the country have left. You can get the best education in the Middle East in Beirut, so naturally all those who get it are smart enough to take it somewhere else. That leaves the power hungry and the profiteers left. Maybe, but there's also a spirit of return like nowhere else I've seen. Statistically, the Lebanese are among the highest number of expatriats. But they are also among the highest to return home in times of peace.
I discovered that my grandmother left because of a massive famine that struck right around the time of WW1 when 10,000 a year left and 1/3 of those who remained died of starvation. Since then there has been little beyond war and opulence in the country. What does that mean? It's just about the least stable place to life, but at the same time, the most appealing. They return knowing they'll have to leave again sooner than later, but...
It's that that I'm beginning to learn here. Sex and violence is Lebanon. One of the worlds sexiest countries and most absurd as well. A microcosm for human relationships through history. One of the great lands so incredibly worth fighting for, but French intervention, religious tensions, economic interests, and so little space make it the great mirror for all the best and worst humanity has to show for itself. Greed and self interest coexist alongside prosperity and the spirit of innovation.
All in all, I'm very comfortable here. I've acclimated to the temperature of the water and I'm beginning to understand the methodology of life in the region. More than anything, that's stripped me of the ability to take it seriously.
This is life. This is the real world whether you like it or not.
Time will tell if that will prove to be an inspiration to work harder to smooth over relations or to come to complete terms with it and leave every man woman and child to work through their own problems. At this point, I appreciate the food and literature the most and a good deal of the rest I feel can be left to the scavengers. Does that mean that my fascination with the region is waning in the face of its reality, or if I'm just losing my sense of adventure.
All in all it's quite funny. This land. These politics. The way it goes. The so it goes.
I'm interested to see what happens next.
love
tcm
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